The living room ebook

The Living Room

The Living Room

A Study in Philemon

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Contents

Introduction: The Smallest Room

The shortest letter Paul wrote that we still have is a single page. It has twenty-five verses, a few names, a small request, and a goodbye. It's easy to read in five minutes and move on.

But a whole household is inside it.

Paul addresses "Philemon our beloved friend and fellow laborer, to the beloved Apphia, Archippus our fellow soldier, and to the church in your house" (vv. 1-2). That last phrase changes how we read it. This isn't a private note tucked into an envelope. It's a letter meant to be read aloud, in a living room, to people sitting together. Everyone in the room will hear what is asked of Philemon, and Philemon will hear it with them.

And someone is about to walk in. His name is Onesimus. He is connected to this household as a slave, and he has been with Paul in prison, where Paul calls him "my son... whom I have begotten while in my chains" (v. 10). Paul is sending him back with this letter in his hand. What happens when he arrives is the whole story.

What kind of room this is

In the earlier books, we looked at places. A court, a house, a temple, a workplace. A court is where you ask what the ruling is. A house is where you ask where you belong. A workplace asks where the work comes from.

A living room asks a different question. It asks who will make room.

It's where family gathers, and where a person who has hurt someone, or been hurt, has to sit across from the people they love. No judge is on the bench, and no one is wearing a title. There is a couch, a table, and a door. Everything that has been settled in the other rooms has to be lived out here, with real people, and it is often harder.

Three questions

In this book, we'll ask three questions of the room, as I have in the others.

Who is in it? A man who was wronged, a man coming back, and a man in chains who writes the letter and stands between them.

What is at stake? A relationship, a debt, and a way of treating one another. Paul says, "If he has wronged you or owes you anything, put that on my account" (v. 18). Nothing is pretended away.

What has already been settled? More than you might think. A brother who was once a slave has become "a beloved brother, both in the flesh and in the Lord" (v. 16). The account has someone standing behind it. The Lord has already received them both.

How to read this book

• It stays in the New Testament. Where the Old Testament appears, it appears the way the New Testament quotes it.
• It's a lens, not a code. Paul says "the church in your house." The phrase "living room" is my picture, and I'll say so where it matters.
• Parts of Onesimus's story are debated. Verse 15 says "perhaps he departed for a while," and readers disagree about whether he ran away or was sent. The letter's request is the same either way.
• It doesn't defend slavery. Paul asks Philemon to receive Onesimus as a brother, and nothing in the letter praises the system. The gospel is changing the relationship from the inside, and I'll try to be honest about what the text says and what it leaves open.
• It stands alone. It sits beside Fall, Stand, Sit, The House, The Local Court, and Working From Home, but you don't need them to read it.

Read it with one question. Who is knocking at your door? It may be someone who wronged you, or someone you wronged. The letter doesn't tell us what Philemon did. But it shows us what the room looked like when he was asked, and that is a gift to everyone who has ever had to decide.

Chapter 1: The Room

Philemon 1-3

Before anything is asked, the room is set. Paul spends three verses on it, and every name and title is chosen.

A prisoner, not an apostle

"Paul, a prisoner of Christ Jesus, and Timothy our brother" (v. 1).

Look at what Paul leaves out. In most of his letters, he opens with "an apostle." Galatians begins with his authority. Here he writes "a prisoner." He is in chains, and he introduces himself that way. Later he says it again: "an old man and now also a prisoner of Christ Jesus" (v. 9).

It's a choice. A man who is about to make a request chooses a posture that can't command anyone. He comes into the room with open hands. Timothy is named as "our brother," so even the sender isn't alone.

Who Paul calls by name

"To Philemon our beloved friend and fellow laborer, to the beloved Apphia, Archippus our fellow soldier, and to the church in your house" (vv. 1-2).

Each name has a small description.

• Philemon: "beloved friend and fellow laborer." Check the Greek in your text, but I believe the word for "fellow laborer" is synergos, the same one used of Paul's team in Working From Home. He is a partner in the work, and not only a host.
• Apphia: "the beloved." Many readers think she was Philemon's wife, and some think so because her name stands next to his. The text doesn't say, so I wouldn't state it as fact.
• Archippus: "our fellow soldier." This is the same picture Paul uses for Epaphroditus (Philippians 2:25), someone who has shared the danger. Colossians 4:17 tells him to "take heed to the ministry which you have received in the Lord, that you may fulfill it." Some guess he was a son of the household. That's a guess.

The point isn't to solve who they were. It's to see that Paul writes to people he loves, and he says so before he says anything else.

The church in your house

Then the phrase that gives this book its picture: "and to the church in your house" (v. 2).

The first Christians gathered in homes. We meet other house churches in the New Testament: "the church that is in their house" in Romans 16:5, Gaius and others in 16:23, Nympha's house in Colossians 4:15, and the household of Lydia in Acts 16:40, which we met in Working From Home. Before the church had buildings, it had living rooms.

This changes how we read the letter. It isn't addressed to one person who can quietly agree or decline. It's addressed to the gathered household, and it will be read to them all together. Whatever Philemon decides, he will decide in front of the people he lives with and worships beside. Paul doesn't hide the request. He puts it where everyone can hear.

Who isn't in the room yet

Notice one more thing. Onesimus isn't named. He doesn't appear until verse 10. The greeting, the thanksgiving, and the praise of Philemon's love all come first. Paul gets the room ready before he brings the guest to the door.

That's a good way to treat a living room before a hard conversation. Set the table first. Remind everyone what they already share.

Grace and peace

"Grace to you and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ" (v. 3).

This is Paul's usual greeting, and it would be easy to skim. But this letter is about a hard request in a small room, and the greeting names two things the room needs. Grace is what is given when it hasn't been earned, and Philemon is about to be asked to give some. Peace is what the room needs when two people have to sit near each other again. They both come "from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ," not from Paul and not from the household.

And look at who receives them. Check the Greek, but I believe "to you" is plural in verse 3, so the grace and peace go to the whole room, not only to Philemon. Everyone who hears the letter receives them together.

What has already been settled

Before the request, three things are on the record.

• Paul and Philemon are friends. "Beloved" is the first word spoken to him.
• The church is gathered. The room isn't empty. It's full of people who belong to one another.
• The source is named. Grace and peace come from the Father and the Lord, so whatever happens next, the room begins from a gift and not a debt.

Cautions

• "Living room" is my picture. Paul writes "the church in your house." I'm using the image to help us feel the setting, and I'd say so in the book.
• We don't know the relationships. Apphia and Archippus may be family or may not. Don't build on guesses.
• Don't push the house-church picture too far. Scholars debate the size, layout, and arrangements of early house churches. I'd say they met in homes and avoid describing furniture.

The question

Who is in your room? Think of the people who would hear about it if you were asked to forgive or to welcome someone back. Paul doesn't ask Philemon to decide alone. He puts him among friends, with grace and peace already in the room.

Chapter 2: The Reputation

Philemon 4-7

Before Paul asks for anything, he tells Philemon what he's known for. It takes four verses, and it's the warmest part of the letter.

What Paul does first

"I thank my God, making mention of you always in my prayers" (v. 4). Paul begins with prayer, and it's personal. Philemon is on his mind every time he prays.

Then he says why: "hearing of your love and faith which you have toward the Lord Jesus and toward all the saints" (v. 5).

Look at the two directions in that sentence. Philemon's faith and love go toward the Lord Jesus and toward all the saints. They run up and out. A person can be devoted to Christ and distant from His people, and Paul says this man is neither. The word "all" matters here, because the letter is about to ask whether "all" includes someone who wronged him.

Many readers also notice that Paul reverses the usual order of "faith and love." I'd mention it and leave it, since the reason is debated.

A hard verse

"That the sharing of your faith may become effective by the acknowledgment of every good thing which is in you in Christ Jesus" (v. 6).

This is one of the hardest verses in the letter, and translations differ widely. Check the Greek in your text, but I believe "sharing" is koinōnia, the same word as the partnership in Working From Home, and "effective" is related to energēs, the work-in-you word from Philippians 2:13. If so, the idea is that Philemon's partnership in the faith becomes active as he sees what Christ has already put in him.

That's a generous way to put a request. Paul isn't saying, "do better." He is saying, "see the good that is already in you, and let it work." I'd say that and note that the verse is debated.

The reputation

Then the line that gives the chapter its name: "For we have great joy and consolation in your love, because the hearts of the saints have been refreshed by you, brother" (v. 7).

Think about what this says about the room. People have come into Philemon's house and been refreshed. "Hearts" here is a strong word, an inner-parts word that Paul will use again for Onesimus (vv. 12, 20). Check the Greek, but I believe "refreshed" is anapauō, a rest word that Jesus uses in "I will give you rest" (Matthew 11:28). So Philemon is known as a person whose house gives rest to tired people.

That's a high calling. And it's the calling Paul is about to ask him to live out again with someone new.

Why start here

It's fair to ask whether Paul is softening Philemon up. Some readers see this as a skilled bit of persuasion, and the opening is certainly chosen with care. But I'd be careful with that reading. Paul's other letters begin with real thanks, and the warmth of verses 4-7 matches them. It's better to see it as honest love that also sets the stage.

What the praise does is show Philemon who he already is. Before the hard thing is asked, he hears his own best self described aloud, in front of the household. The request that follows isn't a demand from outside. It's a call to be the man he already is.

What has already been settled

• Philemon is known for love. It's on record before anyone asks him for anything.
• The household has been refreshed by him. The room has a history of rest.
• Paul is rejoicing. He has "great joy and consolation." Whatever Philemon decides, he is starting from a place of friendship.

Cautions

• Don't read the praise as manipulation. Paul's thanks are sincere, and I'd avoid claiming he is using flattery.
• Verse 6 is difficult. I'd present the reading I gave as one possibility and say translators differ.
• "All the saints" is a test the letter sets up, not one it spells out. It's my reading that the word will matter once Onesimus walks in, so label it as yours.

The question

What are you known for in your room? When people leave your house, your table, or your company, are they more tired or more rested? Paul describes a man whose reputation is rest. The next chapter shows what it costs to keep one.

Chapter 3: The Appeal

Philemon 8-9, 14

Now the request begins, and it begins with a decision about how to ask.

The choice Paul made

"Therefore, though I might be very bold in Christ to command you what is fitting, yet for love's sake I rather appeal to you" (vv. 8-9).

Notice what Paul says he could do. He has the standing. He was an apostle, and Philemon owed him a great deal, as verse 19 will remind us. In another letter he says he wrote "to test the proof of your love" and not "by commandment" (2 Corinthians 8:8). Here he puts the same restraint into practice.

He could have commanded, and he chose not to. The reason is "for love's sake."

The word "appeal"

Check the Greek in your text, but I believe the word is parakaleō, which means to call alongside someone. It is the verb behind "comforter" and "advocate" language in the New Testament, and Paul uses it again in verse 10: "I appeal to you for my son Onesimus." Paul doesn't stand over Philemon with an order. He stands beside him with a request.

That is how a living room works. In a court, a judge commands. At a family table, one person leans in and asks.

Paul's posture

"Being such a one as Paul, the aged, and now also a prisoner of Jesus Christ" (v. 9).

Paul lists two things about himself, and neither gives him power. He is old, and he is in chains. A man who wants to be obeyed doesn't usually introduce himself this way.

There's a translation question here. Some versions read "Paul the aged" and others read "Paul the ambassador." The Greek words are close, and scholars debate which Paul meant. In Ephesians 6:20 he calls himself "an ambassador in chains," so "ambassador" would fit his habit. Either way, the point is the same: his only claims are weakness and love.

Why not just command

Verse 14 gives the reason, and it's the center of the chapter.

"But without your consent I wanted to do nothing, that your good deed might not be as it were by compulsion, but voluntary" (v. 14).

Paul wanted Onesimus to stay and serve him. He says so in verse 13: "whom I wished to keep with me, that on your behalf he might minister to me in my chains of the gospel." That would have been easy. He could have kept him and told Philemon afterward. But he sent him back, because a good deed that is forced isn't a good deed.

This is a principle that runs across the New Testament. "So let each one give as he purposes in his heart, not grudgingly or of necessity; for God loves a cheerful giver" (2 Corinthians 9:7). Peter tells leaders not to lord it over those entrusted to them (1 Peter 5:3), and Jesus says, "it shall not be so among you" (Mark 10:43). Love can't be commanded into existence. It can only be invited.

It also ties to The Local Court: "through love serve one another" (Galatians 5:13). Freedom is the setting where serving means something.

What this does to the room

Think about how Philemon hears it. Paul has given him the dignity of a real choice. The whole household is listening, and no one will say afterward, "he was ordered." If Philemon receives Onesimus, it will be his own act. If he doesn't, it will be his own act too.

That's risky, and Paul takes the risk. He trusts the man he praised in verses 4-7.

What has already been settled

• Paul has given up his authority for this request. He has chosen to appeal, and no pressure is hidden in the room.
• The decision belongs to Philemon. He won't be able to say he was made to do it.
• The love is the reason. "For love's sake" is stated in the opening line of the request.

Cautions

• Don't read this as Paul having no authority. He says he could command, and in verse 21 he mentions Philemon's "obedience." The appeal sits inside that confidence, so I'd say so and leave the tension in view.
• "Voluntary" doesn't mean optional in any way that makes it easy. The weight of the request is still there. Paul just won't use force.
• Don't use this passage to excuse a leader from ever correcting anyone. Elsewhere Paul corrects sharply, as he did with Peter at Antioch in Galatians 2. The setting here is a request among friends, and not every setting.

The question

How do you ask the people you love for hard things? By command, by pressure, or by leaning in beside them? Paul chose the appeal, and he sent a man to the door to prove he meant it. In the next chapter, that man arrives.